Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Happy Early Mother's Day!

Well, I got my period this afternoon.
Too much info, I am sorry.
It was overdue so it's not surprising.
But all of a sudden, it hit me: I was going to probably still have it on Mother's Day.
The thing that keeps our womanly bodies honed and ready for babies and being mothers was here.

I have 3 amazing, VERY active boys.
I treasure them.
I have miscarried twice between the boys (Piselli & Auggie - yes, I gave them names for no matter how short, they were babies in my womb - Piselli means pea in Italian and Auggie for yet another August conceived baby).
What hit me was the fact that, at least with Tommy, I will never carry another chlid inside of me.
It is a feeling I hold dear and loved.
I loved being pregnant no matter how sick I became.
I loved the belly, the curve, the kicks, the flutters, the hiccups, the sound of their heartbeat, the connection that no one but a mother can feel to their child.
But we're done.
A decision finalized by my husband that I was never set in stone with.
That part makes me sad.

Today OC said/did 2 things that got to me.

He's the "baby" at 3-1/4 years old. He has long hair but it's just so him.
Silly people confuse him as a girl sometimes no matter how boyish he is dressed.
Today he crossed the street and I said something about loving my boy and he he tried to tell me he was a girl.
I immediately corrected him and thought, yeah, his hair needs to go!
Then, at home, he was playing with my headband.
He asked me to put it on him (he asks me from time to time to "make my hair like Charlie's" meaning he wants a ponytail on the top of his head with his bangs like the baby from the Disney Channel's 'Good Luck, Charlie")
He looked so cute.
Too cute.
Made me realize how much he needs a hair cut... but mainly, how much I want a girl.

No comments: