Monday, April 5, 2010

Beyond being chased

Most people don't remember their dreams but I think most people can remember having a "chase" dream where you are being chased by someone or something.

As a kid I had a frightening, reoccurring one. It was myself and my 2 older  brothers who got locked in a department store and the headless, legless mannequins (just the torsos on wheels) would be chasing around the locked store. I woke up horrified each and every time.

As a teenager, I was in a race with other people but still trying to beat or stay ahead of certain people I disliked.

Then there is last night. I woke up not horrified. I woke up not scared. I woke up mad.

I was  being chased. I lived in my old house in East Meadow, NY. Apparently still married to my husband. He was my chaser. I was fearful of my life in the dream. I ran through all my childhood blocks hiding from him since i knew the area better than him. I hid in the backyard of a childhood friend, Jenn. I slept there on the ground, hiding, and a dog cuddles with me. Oddly, I welcomed the dog (I don't like dogs much in real life). The it was daytime and I had to be at work. In the  backroom of my job there was a safe room (a room with the safe and money stuff) and a back room for storage. Through the backroom was a hidden, secret room only privileged employees knew about. It was like a men den with big TV and couches but dark and windowless. I crept in there figuring it would be an ideal place to hide. My boss was on the couch along with 2 other guys watching some movie. They said I wouldn't like it and spouted off movies I had indeed seen since I watched them with Tommy. Then one of the guys leaned forward and it WAS Tommy. I ran through the halls and hid in the bathroom and peed a long pee of relief (i had to pee IRL). Then he found me! He confronted me in the fact that he forcibly hugged me and said we're never drinking liquor again and to him, that made everything OK. I knew it wasn't OK... then I woke up.

So after my yet-again-shitty family gathering thanks to my husband, I am left more broken and confused than I have ever been. I can't fake a smile at yet another family event. Even my subconscious has apparently had it.

So, I woke up fed up and confused. nice way to start off a Monday morning huh?

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