Are there things you can't tell your spouse?

I married my best friend.

Literally.

We didn't really ever date; I dated other people.

We were best friends.

Being best friends, we were open with each other.

Coming from my last 2 relationships, I learned a lot.

I learned what was important to me was:
not losing who I truly am for anyone, not having to hide anything, and listening to my heart.

I never kept anything from Tommy.

There was never a reason to.

He loved me for who I was underneath... and preferred me that way:
no make-up, comfy clothes, sneakers, glasses, hair left curly.

There was nothing I could tell him that would change anything between us.

I remember going to Vegas (which happened to be a turning point in our relationship for me) with him for his close friend's wedding. I dont remember it all, but I remember finding out  he lost some serious cash (I'm talking over a grand) gambling. He didn't tell me. I found out from some of the other guys who were out with him at the time. Anyway, he hid it from me and I was soooooo mad that he did. Not that he lost the money (I mean it annoyed me to lose money but it wasn't mine so how could I be mad), but that he felt he had to hide it from me. I hated that feeling. I made a big deal of it right there on the casino floor. I expressed how he never has to hide things from me and I hope he hasnt' since. But that day, really showed me how open I wanted us to be (and how much I cared about him which is a whole different story).

Years have gone by.... almost 14 since we met and 11 since that Vegas trip.

We got married.

Struggled with life challenges.

Had 3 precious boys.

Life happens.

No one can deny that no matter what we plan, life happens.

Stress happens no matter how much you try to not let it happen.

Stress changes people and things.

Stress changes who we are... snapping at kids, letting words that shouldn't hurt, hurt.

So, for the sake of not adding more stress, I keep things to myself.
Nothing major, of course, just little things.
I don't need him to feel bad about himself or about where we are in life because of me.
So I keep them to myself and cry to myself.

Stupid, petty, material things!

So what prompted this question?

A family friend celebrated their 20th anniversary! yay!
her usually clueless husband bought her a ring that has 20 small/tiny diamonds around the band for the 20-years they've been married.
I cried when I saw it (online).
I was so happy for her, and for them... but I cried for me because while I dont need something like that to know he loves me, I stupidly want something like that!

We'll be married 10 years next month!
We always talked about getting remarried in Vegas for our 10-year anniversary.
It still seemed possible until about 6-years in as we had more and more kids :)
Then I still hoped we could but knew we'd have to scale down.
I kept trying to justify doing something  special/important to us but getting cheaper and cheaper.
Here it is, a month before our anniversary and we can't do anything but be together (which I know is all that matters, I know it is all that matters ultimately and i wish I didnt feel this way, like ever).

My mom's group decided to do an adult Halloween party and it is our anniversary night.
I was backing off from it, but figured that we wouldn't be doing anything else so why not.
Then, I got the idea of going as a bride & groom since it's our wedding anniversary... we'd be dressed like we were 10 years prior but this time the zombie versions of us! :)
Now the challenge of finding a CHEAP wedding dress that will actually fit me comes in - should be interesting.

Anyway, My heart secretly dreams that I get something special or he has some plans he's been hiding, but my brain knows there is no way that either of those could happen.
I can't tell him I cry - everyday - over things  not just that but things.
I cant rell him because he gets mad and then we fight, and then he feels like crap and I hate him hurting.

So ultimately, it comes down to this:
I never thought I'd hide anything from Tommy but I have to.

Do YOU hide ANYTHING from your significant other?

It's been HOW long?

You can always tell when I get slammed with work: paid, pro bono, and real life "stuff"

I know it's no excuse, but I thought maybe I can "show" you a little of why I have been busy. Being able to actually see something, makes it seem more real and not just an excuse.

 

made a "save the date" card for a non-profit event

Not only did I make the flyer for the MOW kick-off event, I am running the event.
Keep in mind there were about 6000 fliers printed out that had to be delivered!
Also, designed our new logo and re-designed the whole webpage at momwofwakefield.com

Of course an invite or 2 has been thrown in. I've done Audrey's for the last bunch of years. They family keeps coming back because they love how custom the work is and how it really represents their children. Notice kid sister barbie and how she looks like the girl in the picture? :) 

I made cakes and cupcakes a decent amount as well.
My 2 bigger cakes were a Spongebob Squarepants themed 2-tiered cake and a ballerina cake.

The ballerina cake was about 8" high and 8" across.
marble cake with vanilla buttercream and vanilla marshmallow fondant.
It has edible peals all around it and ribbon-work covered with pearl dust.
Back of cake made it lok like it was ribbon corsetted.
It was complete with a tutu cake board I made for the client. 

(please note - cake is straight and level, picture makes it look as if it's not - picture provided by party guest)

So just a taste of Why I haven't blogged.
I know I posted Day 1 of my trip and stopped there. 

Hoping to get the rest up and such but it was a long, not-so-bumpy ride!

Road Trip: Day 3

Day 3 we spent as a family (well, George worked during the day and Lisa had to sleep because she works at night and needed to sleep at least a little bit).
We went to a local park that has a small zoo and a bunch of playgrounds. Got some great pictures there and spent some great time with most all of my nieces (the oldest is 16 and getting too cool for that sort of thing - so 3 out of 4 is still a big win for me)!
We had pizza & wings for dinner (thanks Dad!).
Kids got Uncle George to play guitar for them and sing and they think he's is just way too cool!

I just loved this one.
Elisabeth & Brianna helping OC with mulch in his shoes.

 

Hunter said, "Take a picture of me. I'm being God."
Not sure if that's cute or sacrilegious. I took it as cute.

A great shot of the kids - if only McKayla were in it....

Another sweet shot!

Baking Tip: Keep the scraps

After your level off a cake or carve it, keep the scraps. Put them in a plastic baggie, get as much air out as you can, and freeze. When you need a quick treat, use the cake scraps to make cake balls or cake pops! Great place to use leftover buttercream you dont know what to do with (I get left with colored buttercream I may not know what to do with otherwise so cake balls/pops are a great way to use scraps & leftover buttercream).

So how do you make cake balls/pops?
Crumble room-temperature cake.
mix with frosting (canned or homemade)
Roll mix into 1" balls & lay on cookie sheet.
chill for several hours (you can freeze if you're in a hurry)
melt chocolate (or other flavor bark)
roll balls in bark and lay on waxed paper. If doing pops place sticks and balls and dip into bark and lay on wax paper.

Road Trip: Day 2

back posting these so they are in order :)


We all had so much fun at my friend Melissa's house.
It was so great to see her and the girls (and her hubby too). It's nice to catch up and I wish we could do it more often!


We left her area at about 9am. Headed up through the rest of Maryland, through Delaware, up through Jersey., pointing out everything I remembered along the way. When we got close to NY, I pointed out the Jets/Giants complex to CT (the only one awake at this point). Then started being able to see more "city" stuff.
I woke up HT as we were getting ready to go over the GWB (George Washington Bridge). Again, I pointed out the NY skyline best I could while driving alone through NY.
I should add that it was a piece of cake driving over there. I think it's just in my blood. I actually enjoyed it.
We hit no traffic, like at all!
We stopped at a rest stop in Connecticut to get dinner. They dont' get McDonald's very much at all, so McD's it was! I set a 15-minute limit on the bathroom break and eating. I just wanted to get to my brother's!
We arrive in North Attleboro just before 5:00 (with less than 1/16th tank of gas).


It was so great to see everyone! Lisa made pasta, sauce & meatballs. There was salad and bread, too! yum! We just hung out and talked... and then went to bed.

Road Trip 2011: Day 1

We left the house a tad late but before 8:30 we were on our way. Showing the kids cool things like the Marlboro plant and various buildings. We saw them repolacing the paper on a billboard. That was kinda cool.

My heart RACED as we took a slight detour to FedEx field. I never went to redskins Stadium before and I literally squealed with delight driving up! CT thought i was crazy.. he's only partially correct ;) We stopped, took a few pictures, got some video, walked around the store (the kids wanted EVERYTHING!) and then we went back to the car where I handed them peanut butter sandwiches and we were on our way.

I had to get some gas midway, but we headed straight then to the other side of Maryland to my childhood BFF's house. We had to cross the Bay-Bridge and the kids thought it was the greatest thing ever! We arrived and kids having been having a blast with her 2 girls. We were in their pool, and they're playing with toys and they have been thoroughly entertained. YAY!

Baking tip: Touch tip

I used to stick a toothpick in to test doneness.
I have come to see the tops and know... I open the oven touch the top of one to confirm and spring back to the touch. For me, it's generally 18 minutes at 350 degrees.

Cakes are tougher since each size is different and they get filled at different levels at times but touch tests work and I confirm with a stick in the bigger cakes (half sheets).

Cake tip:

Baking tip: Freeze the batter

After making the batter, whatever the recipe, you can freeze it. Store it in a tight container. Put a piece of saran wrap across the surface just to keep it uber fresh before you snap on the lid. Not only does the batter hold up well, but it doesnt freeze solid. What does this mean? This means you can bust out your metal cookie/ice cream scooper! Just line your cupcake pan, and put a frozen scoop in each one and bake as usual. Its neat and clean and let's you be able to bake lots of flavors at once or make great half & half cupcakes. No need to bake more than you need, just freeze & save! :)

History is Today

I wanted the kids to see the Space Shuttle Atlantis take off.
I grew up with shuttles just part of life. I was watching live as the Challenger exploded. I remember it well. I was in 2nd grade.
Well, this is a chance for my kids to view history in the making as Atlantis took its last flight and years before we launch again from US soil.


They waited and waited as we watched the NASA channel on DirecTV.
I pointed out things and explained any transmissions that were heard.


CT asked, how much gas does it take? I looked it up and informed him "it does not use gasoline but solid propellants like fireworks and.." CT then said, "oh, and hydrogen, and oxygen." "He was in fact correct! I added that they also use hydrazine, MMH and dinitrogentetroxide (N2O4). 


We watched it launch. Kids amazed. Eyes wide with wonder and delight. OC was the most excited.


As we kept watching and they would announce the speed, I reinforced what they said. "26-hunnnndred miles an hour! our car goes 65!" "They're up to 12000 miles an hour" 


At 15,000 miles per hour HT asked if that was faster than a speeding bullet. I informed him "yeah! It's thousand times
 faster."
 He was kinda floored. HT then said, "That means it's faster than Superman!" 
"yeah. The space shuttle would make Superman look like he was standing still."
HT was dumbfounded by the thought...


I really did raise such geeks and I am so proud of it!